Opting Out / Not an Option

Not feeling very social during the fellowship time, I decided to go ahead and and walk around and greet others.  I didn't really want to go to church today, Mothers Day services  are always hard on me.   I thought about staying seated - but surely someone would come over and extend a handshake.  I thought " I'll just walk around and pretend to be cheerful, despite the numbness I feel."  After a few stressed smiles and handshakes,  the spirit changed me. A true smile emerged  when I noticed a young woman who had the same idea as I , she sat firmly in her seat.    I shared a handshake, and mentioned I wasn't feeling very social either , and with that she smiled.

As the service developed I became more uneasy and finally broke into tears during the joys and concerns requests. A woman a little older than I gently said,  while dabbing her tears,     " I would like to pray for all mothers here and those who have gone on to meet Jesus."  I later learned she too, lost her mother two years ago. Fortunate for her , she didn't spend the whole of her adult life estranged from her mother.   This is my biggest regret, to have denied  myself a mothers love who was always there,  despite the label "foster mother" - the courts words, not yours, I see that now.   I love you momma , your words whisper in my ear from time to time -"You will always be my girl."