Searching

The once familiar keyboard, seems a stranger to me.
This mystical world where thoughts are thrown like dice
to see where they land, now seem cumbersome.

The tactile nature of the keys
as I slowly familiarize myself once again
start to find their place
giving me energy.

These writings once appreciated my many
now lay fallow in past months
In part by neglect
In part by fear.

Reserved for truth
these pages,
Something currently
held so close that even I
cannot bear to face,

Two sets of wedding bands
now adorn my hand
I turn them
and caress his ring

This is the truth
that I cannot yet bear
I am here,
and he is there.

Adrift, now I feel,
as the wind carries me
Tears adding to the waves of emotion.
I set my course
for dry land, where I can firmly stand.

My heart aches
tears fall
laughter returns
numbness sets in

stomach turns
anger rises
joy overcomes
searching
Longing

Eyes fixed
cold overcomes
mind is empty
thought now racing

A day at a time they claim.
Each hour, different than the next.
Keeping busy
Must rest.

Feeble attempts
at the person I was before
finding a place
in my self, ready to restore.

Filling my body
where my soul once was
with nutrient rich food
walks on the beach and the warmth of the sun.

Quiet is deafening
Music fills and destroys
emotional tug of war
no one wins

finding peace
hating myself for it
stewing in what was
what would have been
hating my self for that

Doubt, self pity, emotional wreck
Bright skies, grounded
beauty returns
colors burn brighter

Burden to friends?
Blessed by them....
Apologies for being needy
Finding strength in sharing
An inspiration I have been called
I'm still searching ......that is all.



pride of carrying the torch....
wondering where I put the light....
finding the spark that was......
now burning bright.

Fear of the future,
excitement of what is to come.
The love of my life
is the one that won.

He has lived,
served fellow man
was loved by many
now at the fathers right hand.

The physical pain lifted.
The soul now restored
from the conflict within
The soldiers burden no more.

If he could speak
in those final hours
he would say
as he often implied

Take my eyes
So I may see
Take my heart
That I may feel
Take my soul
That I may be free
Take me that I may be
Restored in thee.

There is no doubt
that you have found
the light.
Be whole my love.
Farewell till we meet again.